Identity Theft

We think of identity theft as a human problem, but apparently it is an issue that all species must deal with!

Elephant Theft

Bunny Theft

Fish theft

Penguin theft

                                                             

                                                                         Mier cat theft

Raccoon Theft

Switching Credit Cards

So, the other day, my friend calls me up and asks, "Do you have anything of mine?"


I said, "I don't think so."


She said, "Well, when we went out on Tuesday and paid for our meal, I think we switched credit cards. I was at the store, and when they asked for my ID, they said the names didn't match and I realized I had your card."


We both go to the same bank and we both have identical cards... who knew?


"Uh-Oh," I said, "I spent $15 at Panda Express."


She replied, "Oh good, I spent $13 at a restaurant."


We were both working the next day, so we switched our cards back then.  Before work, though, I couldn't resist and kept sending her texts like, "I can't wait to show you my new clothes I got at Bebe." and "They didn't even card me when I bought my new Rolex!"


Now I have my card, and all is well. Thank goodness it was in the hands of a friend.

Birthday? Not yet...

So, Wednesday night, the boyfriend and I are sitting and watching TV, and he's browsing on his computer, when all of a sudden he yells, "I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!"


At first he wouldn't tell me why he said that, but after some prodding said, "You're birthday is August 4th, right?"


I said, "Yes..."


He says, "So what is March 24th?"


I said, "Um... Saturday?"


Well, last night, I got a whole lot of presents, for no apparent reason whatsoever... All of it in Happy Birthday wrapping paper.  


I guess he didn't want to wait a few more months.  I told him, that it's much better to be early than late, and now he's insisting that they're not birthday presents at all, just presents for nothing in particular.


...ha! I'll take them either way.

What do they think of me?

So google keeps track of our searches, which we all kind of knew even before they went public with it. This doesn't really bother me as I don't really search anything that I wouldn't mind telling the world about.

What does interest me, is what kind of person does google think that I am?  I mean, I search a lot of things to answer crossword puzzle clues (after I've given it the old college try just using my head).  There's a lot of random information that I don't know and need to look up.  Google must think I'm weird.


I guess it thinks that I'm a sports nut, who is interested in nobel prize winners, oscar winners and obscure words, none of which is true. I don't look up that much knitting stuff or magic stuff (I have these things called books for that), so aside from etsy it probably thinks that I'm not very artistic.


I know it's a search engine and doesn't really have the capacity to think of me in any way, and it is only gathering information to sell ad space to people that want to sell me things, but still I wonder.  I hope google thinks I'm an interesting person beside looking up all of the sports stuff.


The boyfriend says, "Don't worry, they're not judging you."

Cell Phone Hunt

Well, I told you guys in a previous post that my boyfriend had lost his cell phone on his road trip. I had been following him on Latitude, so I knew the last place that it had sent a signal. We figured that it was on the side of the road somewhere, as it had probably fallen out of his saddlebag on his motorcycle. So, we decided to go on a treasure hunt.

It was quite aways away, but I was promised dinner at Cracker Barrel for a reward, so.... ROAD TRIP.

On our way there, we saw a deer crossing sign, and just then a deer jumped out and ... BAM... it was hit by a car coming in the opposite direction. It was quite a hard hit, and the deer really flew. I started crying as I had never seen an animal killed like that.

We turned around to see if the people needed help.

As no one had cell phone service, we drove closer to the main highway to call for help for them.

Then we drove back to tell them help was on the way, and stayed with them until highway patrol came.

By the time we got to the area where the phone might be, it was dark. So we used flash lights to search the area. Now you have to understand that the boyfriend's cell phone case looks like a black tire...and what kind of crap do you find on the side of the road? Little pieces of black tire.

So it was like, "Oooh! There it is!" ... "Nevermind"

Finally I got back in the car to follow him while he looked....for the next 5 miles.

On the way we found another car with its hazard lights on. We asked if she was alright, and she told us the tow truck was on the way, but she had hit a deer. We told her to holler if she needed us, and continued to look.

A few miles later, we found another dead deer in the road...

In the end, we couldn't find the cell phone and finally gave up.

It was definitely not a good day to be a deer that night.

Computer Issues

Some of my regular readers may have noticed that there was no Sunday Funday Video of the Week, this week. Well, yesterday, my computer decided to stop working.

Now, I've known for a while that my computer was slowly dying, and I've been trying to save up for a Mac, but something always comes up like replacing air compressors or going to the dentist or something.

I tried turning it off... sometimes it needs a little rest and then will work just fine. When I went to turn it on again...it wouldn't.

I never had a computer that just refused to turn on. I thought it was done for.

When I came home from work, the boyfriend had fixed it. Not using any of his computer savvy, but he told me that the plug had come out of the wall, and the laptop battery had run out.

Jeeze! Of all the computer problems and fixes that it could have been, that's one that I actually could have handled. *slaps forehead with palm*

Good Book Humor

My dad sent me these cartoons... I picked my favorites to show you guys. Whether you're a believer or a non-believer, I think all will find these funny...I hope.

Funny Church Bulletins

My mom sent me one of those compilations of funny church bulletins. They cracked me up so I thought I'd share some of my favorite ones with you all.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance...
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

Funky Ties

If I were a guy, I know I'd be one of those people that would wear one of those tacky, fun ties everyday for work. I love those things! Whenever the boyfriend and I are out shopping, I try to get him to buy them, but to this, he simply rolls his eyes. One reason, he doesn't often wear ties, and secondly, he thinks, as many do, that they are tacky.

I know it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to wear a tie if she chooses, but nothing in my wardrobe would look good with any tie, tacky or not. So I just contend myself to look at them and compliment those that I see wearing them.

Maybe someday I'll be rich enough to buy a whole new wardrobe just to go with all the ties I want to buy.

Until Next Winter...

Dear Christmas Tree,

I know I left you up much longer than I should, but you were so pretty with all your colored lights, and your Jack in the Box antenna ball at the top always made me smile. But now that it's almost February...(man, I take procrastination to new levels)...it's time to go back into your box and into your summer home in the garage.

Goodnight, sleep tight, and don't let whatever's crawling in the garage bite.

Joan

Cleaning Day

Oh how I hate to clean. Someday, when I have the money, I'm going to pay someone to do it for me, until then it's either me or the dog, and somehow I don't see her scrubbing floors and getting her fur all dirty. The boyfriend works about 12 hours a day now, so he is exhausted when he gets home...he'll still do heavy lifting for me, and the fish tank (when we got the fish tank I said I'd feed them but I wouldn't clean them).

I have some NPR podcasts downloaded for my listening pleasure while I do it. I've tried cleaning with the TV on, but then something usually grabs my attention, and I start watching and the next thing you know, the house is still messy and I feel guilty.

I'm hoping to have most of it done by lunch, that way I can work on restocking my shop for the rest of the day. Knitting is my reward. I'm almost finished with some striped fingerless gloves to relist, and then I have another pair that's sold that I want to make so I can put that in as well...

Now, where did I put that mop?

English Confusion

I've told you that my friend is working on studying for his citizenship test. He speaks English, but has trouble with complicated words, especially things that don't come up in everyday conversation.

So, the other day he came up to me, so proud, and said, "I learned a new English word! Sofanajury!"

Now I had to make him repeat this a few times before I understood. Finally I said, "That's four words: serve on a jury."

He had been listening to the audio version of the study material, and they spoke so fast, he thought it was only one word. Once I explained this to him, he realized that he knew all of those words and though, was bummed that he didn't learn a new word, was happy that he understood the concept now.

Language can sure be confusing.

It's good to have goals... even crazy ones?

We all have goals, some selfish, some noble, some important, some frivoulous...but me, I have the unattainable goal to be Samantha from Bewitched.

And what would I do if I could attain it? Solve world hunger? Promote world peace? Though those are lofty ideas, I would simply twitch my nose and my house would be clean. I really hate cleaning, and looking around my house right now...even Samantha would have to do a couple extra twitches.

It probably doesn't help that my boyfriend has hording tendencies that spill from the garage (which is his space) into my living room and when I finally shovel all his stuff back where it belongs (or if it doesn't have a place, back to the garage), I find a trove of treasures that I had thought I'd lost but had simply become buried.

Layers, people...layers of stuff. And that's after one week.

Oh how I wish I was Samantha!

Sunday Funday Video --Funny Commercial--

Though usually commercials are a pain, they always come at an exciting moment in the TV show you're watching, though sometimes they're a blessing if you really have to go to the bathroom and you don't have TiVo.

I love it when commercials don't take themselves to seriously, and give you something to chuckle at.

Here's one that I found that made me laugh:

Bus art...how cool!

I found these online...because really, procrastination is the best form of entertainment. Cool bus art...enjoy!

Funny Christmas Presents

I found this site that has some pretty funny presents. If you're into the gag gift, or if you just want a chuckle, check these out!

Yule Doos Christmas Ornament


Quit scanning the shelves of the Hallmark store for that perfect ornament...because here it is!

The Yule Doos Christmas Ornament can turn a crappy holiday into an even crappier one. This magnificent piece of poo is sprinkled with glitter and comes ready to hang with a red & green satin ribbon.

Fear not, the Yule Doos ornament is unscented. Measures approximately 3" high and 3" in diameter



Twelve Shots of Christmas


The Twelve Days of Christmas would have been so much better if only they were accompanied by some hardcore drinking.

With the invention of the The Twelve Shots of Christmas Shot Glass Wreath you and your friends can find the holiday spirit while enjoying some "holiday spirits".



Tube Sock Christmas Stockings



The "No frills" approach to Christmas Stockings.

Put those red velvet boring stockings back in the attic and get yourself a few Tube Sock Christmas Stockings.

Finally the tube sock will be a appreciated gift especially stuffed with holiday gifts!





Inflatable Turkey


This Inflatable Turkey looks so delicious you can almost smell the stuffing. But keep the carving knives away, because this bird is strictly for show!

Each 16" long, vinyl turkey is perfect for staging your Thanksgiving table while the real turkey is roasting, or a replacement beach ball to bat around on a sunny day.

The Inflatable Turkey comes deflated in a 4-1/4" x 2-3/4" x 2-7/8" illustrated SPAM-like tin.

Product Thank You's

First off, my father is the king of the chain emails and joke emails and warning emails. Usually a glance at them and move on...but every once in a while he sends me something that makes me laugh out loud...enjoy!


Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product
you have. I've used it all of my married life,
as my Mom always told me it was the best.
Now that I am in my forties I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine
on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and
uncaring husband started to belittle me about
how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming
a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and
somehow I ended up with his blood on my new
white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with
bleach alternative, to my surprise and
satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives
who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests
on my blouse were negative and then my attorney
called and said that I was no longer considered a
suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief!
Going through menopause is bad enough
without being a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

Happy Halloween!!!!

For Halloween I thought it would be fun to post some cute pet costumes. I found some on Martha Stewarts Halloween Contest. Enjoy!











BOO!

Nuclear Size Bug...Yikes!

Even though I live in the desert where there are lots of different types of creepy crawlies, in the big city of Las Vegas, you hardly ever see the snakes and scorpions and other things that make you scream. Usually I see ants, crickets, the occasional roach, and spiders.



Last night we finished watching "Taken" (which was a really fun movie) and I put it back in its netflix envelope and headed out to the mailbox (if I don't do this right away, I'll forget for days and I'm sure netflix loves me for it). I opened the door and looked out to my right and saw the biggest roach I had ever seen.

Now, coming from Hawaii, I've seen some monster size roaches, so I'm not prone to give superlatives where they are concerned. This one, however, made me scream. Our neighbors mush be hard of hearing, because otherwise they would have come out to see if anyone was being murdered.

Huge does not describe this bug. I called my boyfriend out to see it because I needed a witness to the shear vastness of this guy. He, being a guy, took his sweet time, but upon seeing it let out a scream of his own.

I didn't take a picture of it though, I was tempted, but I knew a photo wouldn't show its true size unless I put quarters next to it, which would have required me to get closer than I was feeling comfortable with. Let's just say it was at least 4 quarters long and I didn't know what a roach that size would do to me.

Eeek! Next time I'm making my boyfriend take the netflix out.

Out for a bit...

We're going out of town for Memorial Day Weekend. I'll be back on Monday, so this weeks Friday's Favorites and Sunday Funday Video won't be available this week. I don't know what my internet access will be like, so I don't know if I'll be posting much.

Since I'm not going to be gone that long, I'm not putting my shop on vacation mode. Anything ordered will be mailed out on Tuesday, which, because of the big weekend, would have to be done anyway even if I were in town.

Don't dispair though, here are some "inspirational" posters for you to look at while I'm gone.